Emotions Take Flight

Leaving Stanford, heading to Bangkok on Tuesday night was really hard for me. Not in the literal sense. I have become quite adept at packing for overseas adventures. I was checked in online and physically ready to go. The problem was emotionally, I was still back in Crete, IL. I had arrived in Stanford only three days prior and was in a way teased by a vision of what my life will be like in the coming year. I was settling in only to turn around and leave again. To add to the stress, I had never been to Asia before. I was only sure of my lodging for the first three nights. I was reading a great book, which was also incredibly draining emotionally (go figure I would pick that particular book to read at this junction in time). I was worried about being lonely while I was there for two weeks on my own. Thailand’s government was facing an increasingly riotous opposition party. The protests started getting international news coverage the evening I was leaving. I was very thrown by that, but what was I going to do… not go? It would have been an easy out; a reason to stay in Stanford and not take on challenges of traveling. I remember being so excited when I bought my ticket; dreaming of visiting the golden, mosaic temples, imaging white sand beaches and crystal clear waters. All that anticipation was replaced by anxiety which is not a pleasant feeling. Traveling with such emotional baggage is tiresome. The nice part was, since I was not super anxious for the plane to land (hoping to postpone the inevitable) the flight seemed really short. Funny how that works…

I had a layover in Taipei, Taiwan and as I was walking through the terminal I came across a very impressive paper animal cutouts display. I absent mindedly began strolling through admiring the butterflies, tigers, and other intricately created animals on display. Then it caught my eye that each animal had a poem next it. I started skimming and then was reeled in! It seemed like many of the poems were speaking directly to how I was feeling. I wrote down three of my favorites to share with you.

Wu Song Fights the Tiger
Too much hesitation
Suffocates all possibility
The unknown is a ferocious tiger
Swallowing all smiles
Strutting and singing
Madmen are never lonely

Metamorphosis
The future has a hint of homesickness
Full of anticipation
But yet, mixed with
Uncertainty
Waiting aside
Learn to
Smilingly greet each possibility
High and low, wax and wane.

Untitled
If existence is a burden
Then
Routine can replace thought.

Before I left I emailed the duzz and asked them to pray for me; that I would have a safe trip and that I wouldn’t be afraid. Just knowing they were praying for me, spending some quite time on the plane, and the encouraging and timely words of those poems made arriving in Bangkok bearable. I was able to change my money, catch my bus and check into my hostel without a problem. I ventured out and found some great Thai food that afternoon, but it really wasn’t until Friday morning that I really felt comfortable and happy about being in Asia. Five days after arriving, I can honestly say Asia is one of my favorite places; cleaner and nicer than Africa, more adventurous than Europe. Awesome. Bangkok posts drafted and pictures edited will be up soon!